Is It Safe To Come Out Now?

Have you ever seen that movie Gremlins? Epitomized 90s cheese, to be sure, but feed them after midnight, and the sweet and fuzzy friends that you know and love suddenly turn ugly, turn into mean and vicious creatures that'll rip your throat out as soon as look as you.



Eh, I don't know what made me think of that, whatever.

Well, as it has been a solid two weeks since the election, I figure it's right bout time us moderates could come out of hibernation, poke our heads into the air, and fear not for our lives and limbs being pulled from Left to Right. Happily, I can say that the next three years at least will be much as they have been. People will make snide comments about the establishment, will argue fruitlessly about marijuana and religion and marriage and the economy, but none of it will particularly matter because it exists on Facebook and the odd street corner, and everybody but the truly extreme will revert back to the fuzzy friends of yore, the sane and lovable people that made us confirm their friend request in the first place when the political climate was less corrosive.

But then, it was election season. The Obamas and the Romneys took up arms (the Romney camp having already toiled their merry way through a chocolate box of assorted nuts), and the race was on. And their followers slowly came out of the woodwork. People you didn't even know were residents of the woodwork were posting and sharing, shouting and lying, picketing and boycotting, and altogether spewing such insanity that those of us without a Party to call home could only duck for cover.

On THAT side, we heard never-ending tales of revelation. We heard self-righteous prayers for the unborn from people who hadn't been to church since the 90s, and lectures on the sanctity of marriage from men who couldn't remember which mistress they were supposed to be publicly calling a liar. It was lovely being called a moral failure on a daily basis simply for feeling like all the yelling wasn't worth it. And hey, look at that. It wasn't.

On the OTHER side (don't think you're getting out of this just because you won), we heard just as much self-indulgent douchebaggery as anywhere. You lot were just as much the culprits of skewed data and unproductive dialogue, with pseudo-intelligent one-liners that deliberately misunderstood your opponent.

Now the both of you, sit down, shut up, and I don't want to hear from either of you until the next voting cycle. The weather is moderate again.